Thank you Captain Obvious!

So about a week and a half ago, the Water Heater decided to hemorrhage and flood half the house with about an inch of water... everything touching the floor was ruined. MY computer was fine except for the Battery backup/Surge protector and the power converter to the Brighthouse modem.

Okay.. so I finally get my room all cleaned out and got a bus load of shit thrown away.... so it was time to deal with Brighthouse because the power converter got wet and the modem is DEAD...

So I call them up and spend twenty minutes on hold until I can finally convince Robby the fucking Robot that I really do need to talk to a fucking Human Being. So some tool finally chimes in with the regular voice of incandescent doom. Keep in mind that I KNOW that my modem is Fried because the little transformer got wet in the mini-flood, But I'm not going to tell this asshole that.

The conversation goes as following.

Joe: (we'll call him)... Hello?

Me: Hello? (long pause)... Hello?

Joe:Um yea, My name is Joe and I will be helping you today... What can I do for you?

Me: Hi Joe... I am having a problem with my internet connection.

Joe: I just need your name and address...

Me: (Gives him all my info)

Joe: Okay, what exactly is the problem?

Me: Well, I cannot receive a signal through the cable because my modem is dead.

Joe: (click click typety type) Um'Hmm? Is the box lit up?

Me: no, its dead... completely dead.

Joe: Are ANY of the lights lit up?

Me: No Joe... its DEAD... D.E.A.D. as in not amongst the living.

Joe: Is it plugged in?

Me: Yes, its plugged in, and before you go into the next question on your monitor there Joe let me explain to you that I actually worked for America Online as a Computer Repair Technician and have a background in computers. I have gone through ALL the necessary steps to confirm that it isn't an electrical problem. The computer works fine and everything is in 100% compliance. The ONLY thing that isn't working is the Modem... It is Completely Dead. I just need a new modem.

Joe: Are you sure its plugged in, because it needs power to operate.

Me: Yea, Joe... its plugged in.

Joe: Do you have it plugged into the wall?

Me: No, its plugged into a Surge Protector.

Joe: Can you unplug it from the Surge protector and plug it into the wall?

Me: I have already done that, its Still Dead.

Joe: Can you do it again now while I'm on the phone?

Me: Sure, hold on... (Pretends to plug it into the wall)... Okay.... STILL DEAD!

Joe: Hrmmm... seems like the the modem is probably dead.

Me: you think?

Joe: What you're going to need to do is get a new modem. Would you mind driving by one of our stores and picking one up?

Me: Not at all Joe... Where is the closest one to me?

Joe: What is your address?

Me: I told you at the beginning, Joe... It should be on your screen there in front of you. (I tell him again anyway)

Joe: What roads are close to you?

Me: I don't know... Why don't you tell me all the stores in my area.

Joe: Well, there's one at BlahBlah Blah Street and then...

Me: Thats fine, I'll go to that one.

Joe: Do you need to know where the other stores are?

Me: Why?

Joe: ...uhm, would you like to fill out our survey?

Me: I don't think thats a good Idea Joe. Thank you for your Help.

Joe: Is there anything else I can do for you today?

Me: No, Thanks.

CLICK!

After I leave the house, Joe calls back and leaves a message that the area is having cable problems and That could be the issue... (I'm not kidding)

After I exchange the old modem for the new modem, I plug in the new modem... Boom-Lights, Boom-Internet!

Imagine That.