So today I went to see TRANSFORMERS: Revenge of the Fallen.
First I would like to concur with Randall from CLERKS II... there is only one true "Revenge" and its "...of the Jedi". And that's really only because of the Gold Bikini Syndrome.
So... let me save you $9.50.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was a spectacular piece of crap! Michael Bay used every single action movie cliche' that he could cram into one movie. There were your basic Michael Bay explosions, slow motion explosions, people running away from explosions and then there was just random shit... blowing up.
Accept for the chubby dad (who was the apparent comedy relief) there was nothing but beautiful people in the entire world. Sam (Shia Le'Beouf) was admitted into college, that was apparently nestled right in the center of the Twilight Zone due to the fact that the entire college was Co-ed, complete with scantily clad supermodel class college girls walking down the halls wrapped in towels or just wearing bra & panties (happens all the time...) What-the-Fuck-Ever!.
*Spoilers Ahead*
There was a 19 year old hottie that turned out to be a killer Decepticon! I asked my friend if we were watching Terminator 5... because if the robots can disguise themselves as humans, then what movie are we watching?
The fight scenes were all filmed in the hated Shaky-cam, which makes me sick enough to punch any director asinine enough to continue to film in this fashion. You can't focus on any one subject, and if you do... its gone the very next second. You couldn't tell one damn robot from the other accept for Optimus Prime and the two Yobots called the "Twins"... who were blatant personifications of horrible stereotypical, thuggish black guys... complete with illiteracy and a big gold tooth.
If I were an educated black man, I would be protesting the Hell out of this movie! There were only four black characters in the entire movie and two of them were illiterate, dumb-ass yo-boy-bots who were constantly slinging racial crap and beating each other up.
As the viewer you were Punched in the face repeatedly by blatant Product Placement and half-assed explanations of what was happening by secondary characters. I even felt repulsed by the fact that when two of the characters were in France... they were sitting at a Chateau, eating Escargot and being accosted by a Mime... right next to the Eiffel Tower (because obviously... that's Paris!)
The Giant Construction robot Devastator even had a big ol' pair of wrecking balls hanging between his legs... which I felt like I was sucking on by the end of the movie.
Optimus Prime dies, but they bring him back with love.
Sam dies but they bring him back with love and because he is the only one that can save Earth. What a crock of well cooked shit.
After the movie was over I was more confused than anything else. Even Megan Fox pretty much said that this movie had no substance whatsoever. (it probably had something to do with the little robot humping her leg like a horny dog)
So we snuck into The HANGOVER for some retribution...
That movie was AWESOME!
